Strong enough for you
by suchasaddeparting
Summary: Bella is dealing with the aftermath of a tramadic event and is trying to deal with it without anyone else knowing. Can she overcome her fears and prove to herself and everyone around her that she's strong enough to cope?
1. Chapter 1

As I raced up the stairs to my apartment I said a silent thanks to Alice for cancelling our plans for the evening. I was more than pleased that I would be going home to an empty house for a change, and ecstatic that no-one would see me looking this way. My nose was still bleeding, I'm sure the entire right side of my face was black and blue, my shirt was torn to shreds under my coat, I was carrying my shoes, and I wasn't even sure I buttoned my jeans in my haste to escape. I don't think I could look much worse if I were hit head on by a diesel truck. My hands were shaking so badly I dropped my keys three times before I was able to unlock the door and hurry inside. I dropped everything to the floor where I stood, and made my way slowly to the bathroom. Every inch of my body was throbbing and all I wanted was a hot shower and my bed. Unfortunately, as I started to pass the living room I knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Well, at least not the bed part. Crap.

"Oh my gosh! Bella what happened?" Rosalie exclaimed the minute she saw me.

"No no no! Don't come any closer!" I demanded throwing a hand up to block my face from sight. "What happened to cancelling our plans tonight Alice?" I accused sourly as Rosalie pushed my hands away to examine my face.

"Nevermind that now! What the hell happened to you?" Alice growled as she and Rose led me to my room. I swatted their hands away and glared at them when they tried to unbutton what was left of my shirt for me. As Alice went to the bathroom, and Rosalie started going through my clothes I debated internally whether or not to tell them the truth. It wasn't like they would know any different. I mean, it wasn't like they could read my mind or anything. Then again, these were my 2 best friends in the entire world how could I not tell them? What would they think of me when I told them? How would they treat me? I didn't want to be treated like a victim no matter what happened to me. I smiled a thanks to Rose as she handed me a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeve t-shirt but, before I could change she and Alice were dragging me along with them to the bathroom.

"I ran a bubble bath, poured some wine, and we aren't leaving you alone until you spill your guts lady." Alice stated as I began undressing. The tears were streaming down my face before I even climbed into the tub. How was I supposed to tell them I'd been raped? Was it even rape? I didn't even know for sure. How utterly pathetic was that? I sighed heavily, and submerged my head under water for a few seconds. What would Edward think of me? Oh hell, what was wrong with me? Like Edward would care what I did or didn't do anymore. He left me two months ago and still I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even now, when I felt dirtier than pond scum I thought of him. I sighed again, and turned to face the two best friends I had left in this world.

"I went out with Jacob tonight," I started as Alice handed me a glass of wine, "and when I left the bar I ran into Mike Newton. And he raped me, I think." I blurted out as quickly as I could. For a few seconds the silence was deafening, and then Alice was gone, and Rosalie was bombarding me with questions.

"He raped you? What do you mean you think? Are you okay? Of course you're not okay what I am saying. Oh my gosh! Bella! He raped you?" She asked as she paced the distance of the bathroom. Before I could respond Alice was back with the phone.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked fully alarmed. "Calling the police what does it look like?" She retorted angrily. "NO!" I screamed, reaching futilely for the phone. "What do you mean, no? Bella, you were raped! You have to call the police!" She exclaimed even angrier than before. "Alice, _please,_ **please **do not call the police! I'll lie. I'll deny it happened." I threatened. She glared at me for a few seconds, but thankfully put the phone down. I sighed in relief, and started scrubbing my body.

By the third round of scrubbing, my skin was already beet red, and Rose was taking the washcloth away from me as more tears streamed down my face. I felt disgusting, and no matter what I did I had a feeling I'd feel that way for a long time. I reached for the shampoo, but Alice was faster. "I'll do that. You just start talking, and you'd better hurry. I called Carlisle." She admitted defiantly. I tried to turn to glare at her, but of course, she was stronger and so I stayed facing away. "Bella, I knew you wouldn't want the police called, and I get that I do, but you need to be checked out, and I figured you'd rather have Carlisle do it than go to the emergency room." She stated as she began massaging my scalp. I sighed begrudginly though she was right. No way was I going to a hospital over this. The less amount of people who knew the better as far as I was concerned.

"What happened?" Rosalie whispered leaning agaisnt the counter. "I told you. Jacob has been trying to get me to go out since Edward left, and tonight I decided to go. So, I had a couple of drinks, left the bar to wait for a taxi and ran into Mike. He invited me to his place, and I agreed. I mean, look, Edward doesn't want me so I thought I may as well try to not want him." I took a deep breath, wiped my face as clean as I could, and tried to stop crying before continuing. "We started kissing, and he led me to the bedroom and then I started thinking about Edward. So, I tried to make him st..stop, but he...um..he wouldn't. It's my fault really. I sh..I should have made myself clear in the beginning instead of leading him on, but I just let him-"

"Bella, stop it!" Rosalie growled. "This is **NOT** you're fault do you understand me? You told him to stop he didn't. That's not your fault. He did this to you." She continued in a low voice. I wanted to contradict her, but I couldn't form the words. Instead, I cried, sobbed even until the water turned ice cold, and I was as wrinkled as a prune. And even then, the only reason I got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around me was because Carlisle was standing outside the door. I quickly drank two glasses of wine, and sat on the toilet seat until Alice opened the door. I grabbed Rosalie's arm before she could leave, and gave her a pleading look. I couldn't do this alone. She'd been through this before, at least, to an extent. I was hoping she'd know what to do. She gave me a weak smile, waved Alice on, and closed the door after Carlisle walked in.

"If it's alright I'll stay here with Bella while you do this." She said quietly. Carlisle smiled as she poured me another glass of wine, and nodded. I sighed in relief, and stood up to face the doctor of the family. Try as I might to think of him that way it still felt wrong. Carlisle was like a father to me, and no father should have to do this. I was beginning to rethink my decision about the hospital.

"If you're uncomfortable with this I ..I'll go to the hospital. I mean, I don't want you thinking you have to do this or anything." I rambled before taking a long, slow drink of wine. Carlisle just smiled, and shook his head. "Bella, don't be ridiculous. I know how much you hate hospitals, and given you don't want the police involved this is the best way to go about it. I won't do a pelvic exam because I have no doubts about what you've shared with Rosalie and Alice, but I do need to examine the rest of you." He explained motioning for me to remove the towel. I took another long drink of wine, and dropped the towel. Why beat around the bush? Better to get the humiliation over with all at once. The entire process took only a matter of minutes, but felt like hours to me. True to his word, Carlisle examined every inch of my body; especially where there was signifigant bruising.

"You're going to be sore for a few days, but that's the worst of it. The bruises will fade with time. If the pain gets to be too much you let me know, and I'll get you something for it." Carlisle stated once he was finished with the exam. "Thanks, Carlisle, but I'll be fine." I replied quietly. Once he and Rosalie left the room I dressed as quickly as possible not wanting to see the bruises myself. It would just remind me more of what had transpired tonight, and I wanted to forget as quickly as possible. I ran a brush through my hair, and threw it up in a tight bun before exiting to the living room with my wine. I finished that glass, and was pouring another when the banging started on my front door. It scared me so badly I dropped the wine bottle, but of course Alice was there catch it. Having vampires around was handy from time to time.

"It's Edward." Alice whispered with an apologetic smirk. I stared at her in disbelief. "You told him?" I accused angrily. She only nodded, still looking apologetic. "_**Why**_? Why would you do that?" I demanded as fresh tears started falling. He was the last person on this earth I wanted to find out. "He wouldn't put Carlisle on the phone until I told him. I'm sorry." She explained. "Does he know who?" I questioned, angrily wiping the tears away. She shook her head no, and opened the door. And then he was there, kneeling in front of me, wiping my tears away as they fell rapidly from my eyes.

"Are you all right? Who did this to you?" He asked, a pained expression marring his beautiful features. I hadn't seen him in over a month, but just like every time before this his Godlike features had me breathless. It took me a few minutes to respond, and even then my voice was shaky. "I'm fine. But, I can't tell you who it was. I know what you'll do, Edward, and I cant let you." There was a flash of anger in his eyes, and then it was gone. "Bella, they deserve to pay for this. Please, tell me who it was." He whispered mere inches from my face. What he was doing was unfair, and I was sure he knew it, but I was helpless against his dazzling abilities.

"Mike Newton." I'd barely gotten the words out before he was out the door. I jumped up as if to chase him, but I knew that wouldn't work. He was likely to his car, and halfway down the road by this point.

"Don't worry. Jasper and Emmett are downstairs. They won't let him go anywhere." Alice stated matter of factly. Once again I was sighing in relief. Rosalie handed me my glass of wine, and I drank it as if it were water. She smiled, and poured me another glass. "I really wanted wine when this happened to me, so have at it girl." She said with another smile. I knew I'd regret it in the morning, but right now I didn't care. The alchohol was working it's way into my system; numbing every physical and emotional wound along the way. It was wonderful. A few minutes later Jasper and Emmett came waltzing in with a very angry Edward between them. Once he'd agreed not to go anywhere they let him go, but went to stand at the door just in case he changed his mind. I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud. He looked like a ranting toddler who'd just been told to stay out of the toy store. It was too cute, and okay I was a little buzzed. Carlisle motioned Edward into the other room, and Alice came to sit by me and Rosalie.

"This is the worst thing that could have happened to you, Bella, and I'm very sorry. But, on the bright side, it's going to save your relationship with Edward." She stated pointing to her head. I snorted, and shook my head. Psychic or not, Edward had made his decision two months ago, and I knew nothing would change that. Besides, I was a disgusting piece of trash now. Why would Edward want that? He'd likely be gone the minute Carlisle was finished speaking to him anyway. If I was nothing to him before, I was sure to be absolutely worthless now. I finished my wine before a fresh wave of tears could escape, and was half way through another when Edward took it from me.

"I think you've had enough wine, love. I don't know what Rosalie was thinking in the first place. Like you need wine after something like this." He chided turning to grab the bottle. That was a mistake. I jumped up, and grabbed the bottle as well as my glass, and glared as angrily as I could at him.

"First of all, this is exactly what I need after something like _this_ has happened. Secondly, you don't get to tell me I've had enough of anything anymore Edward. You gave that up two months or have you forgotten?" I snapped. Expectedly, he was as surprised by my outburst as the rest of us, but I had liquid courage coursing through my veins. Nothing was off limits at this point, and that's why I decided I'd had enough for the night. I swallowed what was left in my glass, handed it to him, and took the bottle to my room with me. Once safely locked inside, I turned the radio up loudly, and proceeded to drink the rest of my wine. To hell with all of them for the rest of the night. I was just fine on my own.


	2. Chapter 2

**~Since I forgot to do this in the first chapter here we go! **

**Disclaimer-I own NOTHING. **

**Please review and let me know what you think. I don't like posting new chapters without knowing if ya'll like what you're reading. So the more reviews the better, and as soon as the next chapter is ready I'll have it up! **

I awoke the next morning to a ferocious pounding in my head, and nausea in my stomach. I groaned, and tried as hard as I could to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, twenty minutes later I was still in hell and wide awake. Obviously an entire bottle of wine to myself was way too much. Discovering that sooner rather than later would have been nice. Nothing I could do about it now I suppose, except suffer. Great. As if my life didn't suck bad enough before. I sighed heavily, and rolled out of bed. Might as well get this party started right? Yeah. I stopped off in the bathroom for some aspirin, and was making my way to the kitchen when I caught sight of him. Just sitting there, on my couch, staring at the wall in front of him. I hated him instantly for looking so beautiful when I looked, and felt, like shit. It just wasn't fair. I sighed again, and decided to get the rough part over with.

"Morning." I chirped walking to the kitchen as intended. I grabbed a glass from the kitchen, filled it with water from the faucet, and swallowed the aspirin. "Are you okay?" He whispered from behind me. I smirked, and turned to face him. "Not really. My head is killing me, and my stomach feels like it's going to explode." I answered. He looked confused for a second, and then said, "No, seriously how are you?" I snorted, and rolled my eyes. "Seriously?" I asked. He nodded. I sighed, and stared him in the eye. "My head is killing me, and my stomach hurts. I drank way too much last night, and barely got any sleep. How about you?" He slammed his fist on the counter, and glared at me.

"Damn it, Bella. I'm being serious." He shouted. "Whoa, dude. Keep the volume down please." I stated, covering my ears. I walked into the living room, and laid down on the couch. "Bella, I can't help you if you won't talk to me." He said quietly. He lifted my legs, sat down, and put my legs on top of his. "I am talking to you Edward. Hey, I'm sorry for snapping on you last night. I was a little drunk." I apologized with a smile. He smirked back, and shook his head. "You're gonna have to talk about this eventually." He stated. I just smiled. "What are you even doing here?" I asked. He sighed, and stared evenly at me. "Carlisle said it was best not to leave you alone right now. He said you'd be vulnerable, and I don't trust anyone to watch over you but myself." He explained. I snorted again, and closed my eyes.

"Well, I'm fine. I'm not vulnerable or anything else so feel free to leave any time you want to." I stated. "Do you want me to leave, Bella?" He whispered. I dared a look in his direction, and shook my head no. And it was true. I didn't want him to leave. It was selfish on my part, but true none the less. I don't know why he cared if I was vulnerable or not, or why he was staying with me, but I intended to enjoy the time I had with him. I'd missed him terribly over the last couple of months, and even if just for a few hours I would thoroughly love spending this time with Edward. I was just about to fall asleep when something occurred to me.

"Hey, you aren't going to like kill Mike or anything right?" I questioned cautiously. This wasn't exactly a subject I wanted brought up, but I needed to be sure he wasn't planning on doing anything reckless or stupid on his part. "Why do you care what happens to him?" He grimaced. "It's not him I'm worried about." I said with a laugh. A look of surprise crossed his face for a second, and then it was gone. "Well, don't worry. I'm not going to do anything to him. As much as he deserves it I quite like living, or whatever it is I'm doing." He explained quietly. I sighed in relief, and closed my eyes again. "Good." I stated simply. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry." He whispered. I wasn't sure what he was apologizing for, and I really didn't want to know so I chose to ignore that comment, and go to sleep instead.

When I awoke again I was laying in my bed, with Edward next to me. It felt..amazingly right. God, how I missed this. I missed feeling him next to me, the coldness of his skin, the roughness of his body. All of it. I missed every single thing about him, and why shouldn't I? He was my soulmate after all. Too bad I wasn't his. With a sigh, I scooted away from him, and sat up.

"What's the matter, love?" He asked quietly. You don't love me anymore. You dont want me, you don't care what happens to me. I'm a disgusting piece of trash. Pick a card, any card. I sighed again, and shook my head. "Nothing, I just feel like I might be sick." I lied. It surprised me how easily I accomplished that feat seeing as I'd never lied to him before, but I couldn't tell him the truth. The only reason I could think of for him still being here, being near me was that he hadn't yet realized how gross I was, and I wasn't about to clue him in. The longer it took for him to get it the better off I was. Selfish indeed.

"I hope you're in the mood for company. Everyone's here." He said just before a knock at the door started. "Can't you make them leave?" I whispered. He smiled, and shook his head no. "Sorry, love, but they aren't going anywhere for awhile." He stood up, and helped me to do the same before leading me towards the living room. Before answering the door he pulled me as close as possible without our lips meeting, and said, "Let's not make a habit of lying to me." I couldn't help it, I just stared at him. I thought I'd done a pretty good job with that lie, but obviously not good enough. Damn. He smiled before pushing me gently back, and turned to greet everyone at the door. When he said everyone, he meant everyone. Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, and even Carlisle and Esme came. Who knew being raped could score you so much attention? Not funny huh? Ten thousand comedians out of a job and I'm trying to be one. Eh, oh well.

I followed everyone to the living room, and took a seat on the couch between Alice and Rosalie. Edward didn't look too happy with that, but he didn't say anything so I stayed where I was. If he wanted something from me he was going to have to spell it out because I wasn't making any kind of a move without it. A part of me realized that thinking about getting back together with my ex one day after being raped probably wasn't normal, but I chose to ignore that part. I was dealing with this in my own way, and nothing or no one was going to change that. Rosalie patted my shoulder, and lifted up a bottle of wine. She had a devilish grin on her face, and I could do nothing but smile back. I wasn't much of a drinker honest, but wine was sounding better and better every second I was awake.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want this after last night, but psychic over there said you would. And there's another bottle in the car if you make it that long." Rose stated still smiling.

"She doesn't need, or want that." Edward growled. I glared at him. Did my head still hurt? Yes. Did I still feel as if I might vomit at any given second? Hell yes. Did I need the wine? Probably not but, did I want it? Abso-fucking-lutely. Who the hell was he to tell me what I did or didn't need? He left me. Obviously he'd forgotten that. Lucky for him, I never would. So maybe that was unlucky for him. No, it was definitely lucky; I could never hold a grudge against Edward. Except maybe him trying to keep that wine from me that is. I grabbed the bottle, stood up and pushed past Edward to the kitchen for a glass. Rosalie followed behind me, and opened the bottle for me.

"How are you?" She asked after pouring me a glass. I took a long, slow drink, savoring the taste as it slid down my throat. After a couple more slow drinks I knew Rosalie's patience wouldn't last much longer without an answer. Might as well get the serious part of the day over with right? "I'm honestly not sure. I don't feel like crying every second so that's something right?" I half joked. She smirked, but shook her head. "Bella, you need to talk about this with someone. It's not going to help you any by holding it all in."

I tried really hard not to roll my eyes, but lost the battle after mere seconds. I took another drink of wine, and poured some more into my glass. "I'm not holding anything in, Rose. I was raped. Period. What's there to talk about?" I questioned a bit sarcastically. I really wasn't in the mood for this. "There's plenty to talk about, Bella! You finished an entire bottle of wine last night by yourself, and it's not even noon yet, and you're already on your second glass of another bottle. Obviously you're feeling something or you wouldn't feel the need to drink." She replied. I snorted. "You brought me the wine, Rosalie! I didn't ask for it, but yes, I'm drinking it. I had a rough night last night, and I think that entitles me to a few drinks. I am fine! If I need to talk about this or anything else I'll get a fucking shrink, okay?" I exclaimed angrily.

"Really? You're fine? Because you sound a little angry to me." Rose snapped. I picked up my glass of wine, and threw it against the wall behind her. "How's that for angry?" I asked staring at her. She shifted her glance after a few seconds, and shook her head. "I know what you're going through, Bella. I've been there before remember? But, I can't help you if you won't talk to me." She stated quietly. "No, Rosalie, you don't. You were changed the night of your attack so actually you have no fucking idea how I feel! I don't know how many times I can tell you or anyone else that I'm fine before you all believe me, but it's the truth." I yelled. "Here's the first hint to how I know you aren't fine, Bella. You don't drink. Another hint? You don't swear. And another still? You've never raised your voice to any of us, but especially not to me. Why can't you just accept that you need someone to talk to?" She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

I sighed heavily in frustration, grabbed the bottle of wine, and dumped it down the drain. "Like I said Rosalie, you brought the wine in the first place. I'm so very sorry for doing anything remotely out of character in front of you all. Please, forgive me, and know that it will never happen again. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm feeling rather tired." I stated in the most sarcastically calm voice I could manage before escaping to my room for the second day in a row. I thought I handled that situation pretty well considering I felt like throwing more than a glass of wine against the wall. At least I didn't tell her how dirty I felt, or how worried I was about what Edward would do when he realized how dirty I was, or perhaps how I felt like finding Mike Newton and apologizing for leading him on. Because no matter what any of them told me, I knew this was entirely my fault. I had brought this on myself, and it was my choices that led to these consequences. I just had to deal with it all by myself and get on with my life.


End file.
